Brad Pitt is Getting Married

Well, not exactly. In September of 2006, Brad Pitt abandoned what little self-respect he had left (after abandoning America’s Sweetheart Jennifer Anniston for the former Billy-Bob Thornton-banging monster known as Angelina Jolie) and stated that he would consider marrying said monster only after gays were given the same right. Well, Brad, that day has arguably arrived!

I grew up in Massachusetts and have never been a fan of its politics. However, in May of 2004, I had a Michelle Obama moment and for the first time was proud of my state. Why? Because Massachusetts was the first state to legalize marriage between queers, sorry, between those of the same sex (“Same sex eye for the straight guy”…just doesn’t have the same ring to it, no?). Amazingly, the commonwealth and its families are still intact and the streets have not yet dissolved into chaos as was predicted by Holier-than-thou conservatives (I hadn’t seen republicans that upset since the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that it was unconstitutional to execute the mentally retarded).

Most recently, the California Supreme Court ruled that banning same-sex marriage was unconstitutional. As a result, thousands of couples formerly discriminated against are now on the road to divorce (joking!). So, where does this leave Brad? Was his self-righteous declaration of solidarity a smokescreen? Probably, but perhaps, deep down in parts he doesn’t want to talk about, he probably knows how this story ends – the same way it started, but with him as the abandoned one. If I were you, Brad, I’d wait for the other 48 states before doing anything rash. Chances are she’ll be bangin’ Billy-Bob again before that happens anyway.

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