Fire Janet Napolitano – Hire My Dad!
Today’s post was written by my father, Dick Miller. Dick was raised a Republican, steered by good math grades and financial necessity to a career in engineering and high-tech software. He is now a born-again anthropologist/historian (it was always in him) and wants JFK (and Jackie) to return to the White House. – RHM
Maybe it’s the 10 degree temperature, 50 mph winds, and -10 chill factor, but I feel grumpy and pissed off tonight after several days of “analysis” of the underwear bomber and Homeland Security.
And the results are predictable (see Christopher Hitchens).
So, we’ll raise the color warning a shade (the old color was faded anyway), fondle grandmothers and babies, and declare victory (neither a Democratic or Republican thing – just a bureaucracy that can’t shoot straight.)
Be prepared to sit in your airplane seat like kindergarten used to be and stretch your bladder for the final hour. If a terrorist is on board your plane, think of the discomfort he’ll suffer in the few minutes before he commits suicide.
Don’t fear for any bombs or incendiary devices (unless they’re in someone’s rectum or close to other private parts – we can’t go there.)
As for the full body scan – whoops, too much loss of privacy. We’d rather take a chance on spot-checking every seventh passenger and having a plane explode than finding anything through a thorough scan. Has ANY TERRORIST been caught by the existing “security” measures ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD? Some (bureaucrats) would say that that proves the system is working. I would say that I pray nightly for no elephant stampedes in my house, and so far it has worked.
Loss of privacy? Is there a law that says you HAVE to fly? If you don’t like real security – try a train or bus! When is the last time that a terrorist got by security in Tel Aviv? NEVER??? Why? Because they do thorough searches which, believe it or not, still only take 25 minutes!
Do you want to pretend to have security and then complain of breaches, or do you want to be secure? Chose your poison…
The last I knew, there were about 250,000 people in Homeland Security – probably more, but this number works for me. There are 500,000 people on the “big list” of possible terrorists. Why don’t we assign 2 terrorists to each HS person and have them tracked/investigated? In fact (I’ll say this before some Senator comes up with the idea), why not hire 250,000 more people in HS and make it one-to-one? We could even go all out and make it 2-1 in order to give everyone a potty break. What are another 250,000 government employees going to do, break the bank?
According to Janet Napolitano, “the system worked” after the plane almost reached Detroit. I guess that the Japanese felt good about Hiroshima after the trees started growing again.
Independent of political party, each president at least has a financial person as Secretary of Treasury, someone knowledgeable about the military as Defense Secretary, someone from farm country as Secretary of Agriculture, etc., etc., etc.
EXCEPT — why do we have a career politician who knows NOTHING about SECURITY as head of SECURITY???
Why not have a professional SECURITY person as head???
That is all.
About the Author: Randall H. Miller is an American college educator/blogger. He is also a former U.S. Army officer (82nd Airborne) with a M.A. in Diplomacy (focusing on International Terrorism) and a B.A. in Criminal Justice. Use the form on the right to sign up and receive notifications of new content. The words and ideas expressed here are 100% his own and not those of his employers or affiliated organizations.
Frank the Tank | Dec 30, 2009 | Reply
I agree 10000%. The TSA is now trying to stop yesterday’s attack instead of tomorrow’s. Your Dad is a smart dude Randy. Bring on the full body scan. Better than being patted down by a barely literate and trained TSA screener. When you buy a plane ticket, it is a contract and you agree to a security check to board the plane. I hope they get their act together soon, because as I type this, Al Qaeda is doing a dry run through an aiport somewhere.
JPS | Dec 30, 2009 | Reply
Great post by your dad RHM. I couldn`t agree with him more. Tired of the political correctness and paranoia about “hurting someones feelings”. We need to search based on PROFILING…and yeah that will probably get me stopped more times than not.
Daniel Williams | Dec 30, 2009 | Reply
While the body scanners give us our best look to date (pun intended), they still can not see up someone’s ass. So any terrorist worth his virgins in paradise will shove a bomb up his ass and take one for the team – and then flying will enter a whole new dimension.
Janet Napolitano is in way over her head. She’s to Obama what Brownie was to Bush, and should be fired. More than likely, though, she’ll end up at an award’s ceremony with some silly medal draped around her neck.
Kara Kaufman | Dec 31, 2009 | Reply
I see a problem with profiling that doesn’t have anything to do with the civil liberties issues usually raised: profiling excludes. If security focuses on matching a set of criteria to passengers and allows a person to pass through who does not meet the criteria (yet is a terrorist), security has failed because of profiling. Take for example addiction to drugs. Addiction is an equal opportunity affliction. Anyone from a poor, inner-city teenager to a wealthy wall street trader can be addicted to heroin. However, when we hear the phrase ‘heroin addict’ we often think of the former rather than the latter and ignore half the problem. I actually think full body scans level the playing field and negate many civil liberties issues because of the leveling. It’s an equal opportunity security measure, so to speak, whereas profiling is not.
dickmill | Dec 31, 2009 | Reply
Let’s have more fun with numbers! The odds of winning Powerball are 1 in 195,249,054 (exactly!) People all over the country buy tickets because they think it WILL happen to them!
Last year in the US there were 675,000,000 US airline passengers. Suppose all the 500,000 people on the “big list” could manage to get on a plane in the US (assuming you can get by our border patrol — not a stretch — and obiously airport security isn’t a problem.) Your odds of being blown away — 1 in 1350!!! OK — not all of those 500,000 are smart enough (like the panty bomber who bought a one-way ticket with cash and checked no luggage; well…on second thought, maybe they don’t have to be smart to get in.) Anyway…
Let’s just duplicate the Powerball odds. Roughly 3.5 (let’s make it 4) terrorists of those 675,000,000 flyers have to get on a plane with a bomb to put your odds the same as winning Powerball — which you think is possible, or you wouldn’t buy tickets!
Are you in favor of full body scans now?
As for Daniel’s rectal strategy (not the only cavity, Daniel!), bring on the dogs and don’t let anyone with a perfumed ass on a plane!
Frank the Tank | Dec 31, 2009 | Reply
@dickmill,
Excellent point about the dogs. The Supreme Court already has ruled that having dogs present at car stops or road check points does not violate the 4th amendment as their is no expectation of privacy in the air. So if a dog alerted because the odor of drugs or explosives was present in the air because the odor was emaninating from a car then you have probable cause for a search. So therefore having EDCs and or narco dogs hanging around airport security checkpoints the same rules would apply. And let’s not forget, flying on a plane is not a right, it is a privelage, just like driving and hence can be regulated and controlled.
Daniel Williams | Dec 31, 2009 | Reply
Dogs sniff each other’s asses as a way to say hello. For some reason, dogs seem to like me a lot and regularly give me a goose. If it happens at an airport, all I can hope for is a beautiful TSA agent with a sense of humor and small hands…
Happy New Year to all and to all a good night!